My parents’ friend was going out of town for a week and needed someone to watch her awesome loft apartment in Chicago. I was a Senior in High School and this was like a dream come true.
When I showed up for a tour of the apartment, with my mom, their friend showed me around. The place was amazing. It had a rooftop patio AND a separate balcony. It had an exposed brick wall and a spiral metal staircase. It looked like an apartment from a movie, somewhere an artsy and independent romantic comedy heroine would live.
"You have to promise no one else will stay over. Your boyfriend, your friends, no one can stay here but you. And of course, no parties," my parents’ friend said in front of my mom. Then she led me out onto the balcony and whispered: "But if you do have a party, make sure people go out onto the rooftop deck to smoke."
What?! Had she just basically told me to have a party?
It was her apartment, if she told me to have a party who was I to disagree? In fact, just to do my job better, I had two parties on two consecutive nights. My boyfriend was there for both and he stayed with me at the loft. We pretended that we were real adults and that this was our apartment. We stood on the balcony and surveyed the city, trying to act as though we looked out at this view everyday.
Pictures from the party (note the exposed brick wall and spiral staircase, it’s like you’re watching a Kate Hudson movie right?)(also I’m going to assume that was my “adult” shirt):
The next morning I woke to the screams of an Eastern European woman.
I was lying in bed, mostly naked. The apartment was covered in empty beer cans. The place was a mess.
The Eastern European woman continued to scream.
I punched my boyfriend. ”Do something!”
"Who are you?! What are you doing here?!" the woman screamed.
My boyfriend struggled to find his jeans.
"We’re housesitting. Didn’t she tell you? I swear, we’re supposed to be here."
"No, she didn’t say anything. Who are you? I’m calling the police!"
"Who are you?" I asked.
"I’m the cleaning woman. I clean her apartment once a week. She always tells me when someone will be here and she didn’t say anything."
"We’re housesitting! She knows we’re here."
The woman looked around at the mess and shook her head. ”No, no. This isn’t right. I’m not cleaning this up!”
"No, you don’t have to. We’ll clean it up. You just leave and we’ll clean it up."
"I’m telling her about this."
"No, please don’t. We’ll clean it up!"
We finally convinced her to leave, and we spent the rest of our housesitting time cleaning. It was like being a real adult.